You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
