my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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