Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
