I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
