I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
