You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
