I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
