:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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