You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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