The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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