i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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