She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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