sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
