You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
