Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
