three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
