Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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