I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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