do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
