Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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