pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
