cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
