if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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