So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
