Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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