One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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