Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
