I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
