if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
