youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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