i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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