Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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