Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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