we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
