Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
