It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
