I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
