First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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