It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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