Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
