it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
as a side note pls kill me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
