I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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