That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
