Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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