somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
