he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
