Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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