I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
