What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
