I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
