Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
