she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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