My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
