Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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