Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
