batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
