Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
