GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
