i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
