I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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