wrigley field is MILF paradise
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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