whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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