how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
