i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
