we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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