Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
