The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
