Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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