Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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