dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
