I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
NoShamevember. You game?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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